So, I’m going to go on a bit of a rant here! Let me explain! I was at a meeting this past week (you’ll be happy to know that it was NOT a Bear Creek UMC meeting) and the meeting just didn’t go very well. And the reason it didn’t go very well was that there were a couple of folks in the meeting who were “fighting” the flow and intentions of the meeting. Have you ever been in one of those meetings? One where you can just kind of feel “contempt” in the air. Where you get this awkward feeling that people just weren’t on board? And it didn’t matter what the leader said, or how he or she led the meeting, these folks just weren’t working with you? Isn’t that frustrating! To go into a meeting full of hope and then leave it with half the "positive" air out of the room? That is one of the worst feelings in the world, for me! So how do you deal with a situation like this?
I had a church coach one year who liked to talk about “bright-eyed people”. He was always trying to get us to look for the “bright-eyed people” in the room. “When you are preaching, Brook, who are the people leaning forward, responding to your message with positive responses, laughing at your jokes, etc.? Those are the people you want to get involved in your new ministries. Look for the ‘bright-eyed people.”
As he was talking I found myself thinking in the opposite direction: of all the people in the church who were the opposite of “bright-eyed”! Of the people who seemed to be deliberately questioning every new idea we had? And so, I raised my hand and asked him, “Hey, what do you do with the people that are going the other way, who are fighting you every step of the way?”
I'm not sure my coach even heard me. He just went right on talking about “bright-eyed people”. He ignored me. And so, I raised my hand again and asked the same question. And he ignored me again. So I asked a 3rd time! And this time he looked me in the eyes and said, “Brook…you do what I just did. You ignore them! You move on! You don’t let them side-track the positive energy that is in the room!”
Unfortunately, I have been in too many meetings where all the attention is on the person trying to drain the energy from the room. It seems like that in the church the negative energy often gets all the attention.
So, now a confession! Are you ready for this? A few times in my years in ministry, I have been that person! I’ve been the questioner! I’ve been the doubter! I’ve been the one working against the positive flow of a group. I’m not proud of that. To be honest with you, it hasn’t happened very often, but sometimes I just don’t buy in!
My question to all of you as you read this is this: are you one of those “bright-eyed people” or not? And, if you aren’t, can I ask you to just check in for a moment and ask yourself why you aren’t? And if you aren’t can you take some time to find a way to move towards a more positive response. And if you aren’t buying in, can I ask you to think of better ways to work through your struggle than expressing it negatively in a meeting? Would a private meeting with the leader help? Can you take some time to write down how you are feeling and why? Not so you can share that in an email, but so that you can use it to reflect upon the why and what of your negative feelings?
In one of the churches I was leading, there was this one person on our coordinating board that was constantly fighting against where we were going. And one day, I went to him privately and asked him what was behind his negative attitude towards the church. And as we talked, he finally shared with me that he was once asked to leave the church. That the pastor wrote him a letter and asked him to leave the church. And that letter just hit him like a ton of bricks. He had thought that his group was trying to help the pastor, and what they had done had, instead, been seen as a major obstacle to the church. That letter and that experience, he had to admit, still stayed with him, and affected the way he viewed leadership and the church.
At point in the conversation, I decided to ask the obvious. I asked him how long ago this had happened. He looked down at the table and mumbled, “16 years ago. And Pastor Brook, I have to be honest. I still have the letter. In fact, I find myself actually reading it in moments of frustration.”
It was then, I became brave. I asked him if we might take some time to pray about this together in the next couple of months with the intent of letting this incident go. 2 months later, this bruised and battered soul called me and said, “Pastor Brook, I’m ready”. I asked him what he was ready for. He replied, “I’ve decided to burn the letter. Can you come to my house for supper?”
That night, I, 3 members of our church, and all his family gathered for supper. And after supper we went out to his deck, and we burned that letter. And as we did, I felt 16 years of pain and contempt lift from the heart of this troubled soul, and after that moment this troubled soul became one of the best leaders of the church I have ever had! His bent over body transformed into a “bright-eyed” lover of the church again!
This week, can you do me a favor? Can you look at your attitude towards those who are leading in your life? Can you take an “attitude” inventory? Can you plug in your “Bright-eyed” meter, and check just where you are on your leanings? Are you leaning in or leaning out? Are you 100% in and helping your organization or church thrive? Or are you questioning, working against, and causing your organization or church to stumble?
If you are “bright-eyed” and ready to go…what could you do to help us grow?
If you are “bent over” or withdrawing…what do you have to burn, or let go of, to move forward in a positive way?
What do you need to do to move towards an attitude of thanksgiving?
Your friend and pastor, always here to hear you out, Brook
PS: Just a reminder. I’m heading to Korea for my son, Ben’s, wedding starting today. I invite you to pray for our family as we travel. We are so excited! Cyndy and I and our family will be back in town on Tuesday, Nov. 26th. Have an awesome Thanksgiving with you and yours! And remember, don’t burn the turkey…burn that letter, instead!
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