14 more days! 14 more days and Cyndy and I and all of our family will be heading on a trip to Seoul, Korea! We can’t wait! We’ve been looking forward to this moment for about 12 years now. Why? Because about 12 years ago my oldest son, Ben, met Jeuen, his fiancé, for the first time! And ever since that moment he’s had just a little extra step in his gate, and when he sings his range is just a note or two higher, and (best of all) at Christmas time he’s just a bit more generous to his mom and dad and siblings! To be honest with you, we are all a bit like that around Jeuen…she just makes you want to be a better human! And in 14 days (actually it will be 21 days by the time the wedding actually happens), after courting for 12 whole years, Ben and Jeuen are finally going to get married! Woot! Woot!
I think partly because of this big event, I’ve found myself remembering other weddings I’ve been a part of. As a pastor, as you might imagine, that’s quite a few! One that I hold fondly in my heart is the wedding of my cousin, Byron. Byron grew up on my mom’s family home just north of Leola, SD. His dad, (my mom’s brother) Adolf took over the farm as a young man, and after being a bachelor for a decade or two, he surprised the whole world and announced that he was going to get married. And so at 40+ years old, Adolf married Mary and they had 4 amazing children. Byron was one of them.
When Byron and his fiancé, Lucy, asked me to officiate at their wedding I was so honored. Byron, a bachelor himself for a decade or so, was always one of our favorites. He was just a salt of the earth guy. He worked hard and loved to laugh! Still does! But the reason I remember this wedding is because of what happened during the ceremony. Byron and Lucy had decided to write their own vows. I remember talking to them about this during our wedding planning. Lucy was absolutely in love with this idea. Byron…not so much! “Well, I’m not really a words kind of guy, Lucy. I mean I work on cars. Can’t we just do the traditional vows?” But Lucy had her heart set on it, and when Bryon looked into her eyes, he just melted like a puppy dog and said, “Lucy you know I’ll do anything for you.” I knew then that Byron and Lucy were going to be married a long time!
Two weeks before the wedding, I met Byron and Lucy to see how things were going and I asked about the vows. Lucy pulled out a two-page document and said she almost had it memorized. Byron anxiously rubbed his hands together, and staring at the floor mumbled, “I’m working on it.”
On the morning of the wedding, I gave Bryon a call and asked him about the vows. I even offered to help. “Oh, the vows,” he said, “I don’t have anything yet, but I’ve got a couple of cars to work on this morning (did I mention that he was an amazing car mechanic?). I do my best thinking when I’m working. I’ll jot something down on the job. No worries!” Well, I think it is safe to say that we were all worried, but not as worried as Bryon!
The wedding was stunning. Lucy and Byron’s sister (did I mention that they were besties?) had pulled out all the stops. The music, the dress, the décor, were amazing. Everything came off without a hitch…until that vital moment: the moment when Bryon and Lucy were to declare their love for each other. Lucy went first. No surprise there! She recited her 2-page declaration as beautifully as it was written. She had us all laughing and crying!
But eventually all eyes turned on Byron. And Bryon absolutely froze. I think it finally hit him what he was going to have to do…speak! And not only that, speak in front of 200 people! Did I tell you that Bryon was a man of few words? Well, he was a man of even fewer words at that moment. No words came out! In fact, they were all pouring out of his forehead in the form of sweat!
Luckily, he had a back up plan. While he was working on his cars earlier that morning some words did come to him. He didn’t have any paper in the shop, so he wrote it on the palm of his hand. Suddenly a smile came onto his face as he remembered his back up plan! And Bryon turned to Lucy, lifted up the palm of his hand, and then opened his eyes wide in shock. You see his hands had sweated so much during the ceremony, that his words had washed away!
Now Bryon was really in trouble. In fact, I thought he might faint! But instead, he turned to Lucy, took her hand in his sweaty palm, looked her tenderly in the eye and spoke: “Lucy I knew I’d probably forget these words, so I wrote them on my hand. But as you can see, I have been just a little nervous tonight, and my sweat has washed away all the words. But listen. You know me. I’m not really a words guy. I may not be able to say everything I’m feeling right now. In fact, I know I can’t, because what I am feeling is way deeper than any words I’ve ever said. But this I know…I love you, and that’s all that matter, right? The words might sweat off the palm of my hand, but that doesn’t change what’s here in my heart. I love you, Lucy.”
I’ll never forget that moment. And the reason I won’t is that it was so who Byron was. He wasn’t a man of words; he was a man of heart and hands. He loved with his hands. He didn’t need fancy words to show his love. He just needed to be Byron and give all that Bryon had. And those hands could give a lot!
This week, as we go about giving our love to this world, may we learn from Bryon. You can say it all you want. You can put up a sign and say you stand for this or that, but if you don’t show it…you are nothing but a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal.
Your friend and pastor, confessing that too often I’m better with the words, Brook